"Wow, I really wish I knew this earlier! If only I had known... then I could have..." This sentiment often comes up in one-on-one sessions when we uncover something profound through a fresh understanding. It’s a bittersweet moment, filled with both a sense of triumph and a pang of regret for time lost in not knowing.
The Bittersweet Moment of New Understanding
These moments are powerful. They reveal how freeing it is to let go of old, heavy beliefs that no longer serve us. At the same time, they often bring regret for the delay in reaching this clarity. It’s a natural human reaction—grieving the time and possible experiences lost to outdated perspectives, while celebrating the newfound liberation.
Acknowledging Regret and Grief
Regret and grief often arise in such times, asking to be acknowledged, felt, and understood. The invitation here is to hold space for both the celebration and the sadness. This dual awareness is what’s real. Bypassing these feelings can create a new layer of denial—a false belief we may need to revisit later.
For example, a common false belief that might arise could sound like this: "Every small victory seems to be followed by painful emotions. Personal growth feels like one step forward and two steps back, so it’s better to avoid it altogether."
What if we could shift our relationship with regret and grief—explore them with curiosity instead of apprehension?
The Wisdom in Reflecting on “What Could Have Been”
Brené Brown captures this idea beautifully:"The idea of ‘no regrets’ doesn’t mean living with courage; it means living without reflection. To live without regret is to believe we have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunities to be braver."
This perspective invites us to welcome regret as part of growth, not a failure. True courage lies in reflection, learning, and embracing opportunities to act with greater awareness moving forward.
Honouring Both Loss and Liberation
Yes, it can feel bitter to learn late what might have been known earlier. To grieve the time and experiences lost to ignorance is a deeply human response. But honouring this grief is crucial—it validates the value of what was lost. Only by doing so can we embrace the truth that what we’ve come to understand was always meant for this moment, not before.
As we acknowledge and process these emotions, regret and grief begin to fade, making space for new ways of being. With this transformation comes a profound shift—an ability to revel in our newfound freedom.
It’s natural to focus on regret and grief initially. Our brains are wired with a negativity bias for survival, which can be exacerbated by the relentless stream of negative media and entertainment. But as we recognize that we are in a better place now, we can honour our resilience. It takes commitment and courage to release the old and welcome the new.
The Courage to Let Go and Welcome Change
By cultivating presence and bravery, we can let go of what no longer serves us and embrace the opportunities of the present. Transformation is not about erasing regret and grief but integrating them into our journey, celebrating growth, and leaning into the exciting possibilities unfolding before us.
N.B. The Wholeness Companion Model
For those familiar with the Wholeness Companions model, it is the Backbone Parent who facilitates this process. They allow us to navigate regret and grief while fostering transformation. In contrast, the Brick Wall Parent might dogmatically push to enforce new learning while ignoring the accompanying emotions. The Jellyfish Parent, on the other hand, might become stuck in regret and grief, fearing the potential disruption that change could bring to others.
Comments